I took your body to the Rainmaker,
wrapped in tarpaulin, just as it was
when your subordinates found you.
Thick mud, lacerated with deep fissures,
encrusting your fractured cheek.
I wanted to sink in my finger nails
and claw it all away
but I'd bitten them down to the skin.
I laid you on the stone slab.
Your eyes were blind as marbles,
your perfect nose no longer commanding
respect. This mattered little to me beside
the way you inhaled the aroma
of new baked bread and fresh ground coffee
when I brought you your breakfast.
Your mouth was now locked both
to my kisses and to further strife.
The Rainmaker circled around you.
Many days, hours, weeks and months passed by
until one day a single aqua tear
formed a gully in the fissured surface.
12 comments:
wow.. that is impressive... sometimes i read things like this and i am ever so jealous i did not write it myself......
thanks for joining in on the monday mural fun... it is a really great bunch .....
Wow that was a quick response! I had just written a comment on Michelle's. I'm hungry for anything that will get me into the regular discipline of writing poetry. Poefusion seems to be just what I'm looking for.
I'm so honored at your words here and that poem, Fractured, is wonderful. It sent chills up and down my body it was so good. Thank you for your visit. I hope you will return. And, thanks for you kind words at Poefiti. Have a nice day.
Carole, thanks for visitng my blog, and for your comments. Your poem is also mythic, as you commented about mine.
I love the enigmatic use of "subordinates" and the mystery behind the Rainmakers. I could alsmost see both of our poems in a story about this sculpture.
Why don't you check out readwritepoem.org? It's a collaborative group of writers who offer prompts each week, as well as reading and writing tips. I think you'd like it.
I look forward to reading more of your work!
the rainmaker...beautiful lyrics..
Thanks Michelle and Mariachristina for your encouraging comments. I will certainly be returning to both your sites. I will also check out readwritepoem.org.
Littlewing, I had a Bob Dylan song going round and round in my head - something, I think, about a Rainman drawing circles
Really interesting poem, put me in mind of Mussolini's mistress, or anyone who might be unfortunate enough to love a tyrant - especially one who falls. I appreciate the imaginative leap you made as a poet in order to find that character.
I really wanted to know more about the rainmaker because he/she/it is mysterious to the point of lessening my understanding. Then I read your comment. Funny how poetry works, Dylan's character is the "ragman," from Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again:
Oh, the ragman draws circles
Up and down the block.
I'd ask him what the matter was
But I know that he don't talk.
So now I want to know even more about yourrainman. (PS: I'm a self-confessed Dylan geek from way back.)
And thanks for your comment on Jan Prayer. Feel free to dig deeper if you have time/interest. I'd consider it a favor.
Of course it was the ragman - what a dork I am! Interesting how words and associations work though. I've recently been to see the Bob Dylan biopic 'I'm not there' which was worth seeing for the music and Cate Blanchett's performance alone. There's some good tracks on that 'Blonde on Blonde' album. I have to admit to preferring Dylan before he went electric (demonstrated by almost deafening noise in the movie).
To get back to my poem, I suppose the artefact being in Italy and the patrician nose connect with fascism although I wasn't consciously thinking about Mussolini. I'm wondering if this poem is an example of one of my greatest failings - trying to cram too many ideas or images into one poem. maybe the Rainmaker needs to be developed in another poem or one in a sequence with this one. I'd be interested to know what you think.
There are two way to go at it. I think an archetype like the rainmaker would be fine if it had a function. The "rainmaker" doesn't work because we don't know who (s)he is. BUT! - you could leave the figure out entirely, as in: I took your body wrapped in tarpaulin, just as it was etc. And excise the fourth to last line. The poem would be stronger with the figure out of it. I think what happened is the figure added a bit of mystery, but ultimately doesn't hold up.
Acoustic or electric Dylan's fine with me.
PS: fixed it.
MR. ROBERT JOHNSON AT THE CROSSROAD
Thanks for the good feedback, I'm sure I would have left it if no one had noticed.
My biggest flaw is that once I have the first line I write really quickly, post, and then tinker for the rest of my life.
Very wonderful, makes me visualize
a woman coming upon a myth and
making it hers.
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